WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE.
So, let me first begin by sincerely not being sorry for what I am about to say.
To anyone who may be offended by my choice of expression within this post.
It’s a sorry not sorry type of thing.
I’m not being an as*hole or b*tch about it either.
But first a disclaimer…
With honesty and politeness, I want to convey that I am a person who sincerely doesn’t give a f*ck about a lot of things.
But I do give a f*ck about a lot of things too!
As a result, I read a book entitled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson.
Great book! It’s not as bad as it sounds. It actually gives sound wisdom.
I always reference the Bible preferably The Message because it also details how to not give a f*ck.
With wisdom and in such a profound way.
Hopefully, you understand my plight. But maybe you can’t seem to understand why I chose to use the word “f*ck” to express myself. Simply put it was the best word to describe my feelings.
Well… I’ll explain to help you understand. In the meantime, if you’re having a hard time digesting the word. Then use the term “f word”. Or “bleep” it out while you read. If it is just too much for you. It is ok that you excuse yourself.
Now back to my topic…
In this article, I want to share with you how to not give a f*ck.
This is important because not giving a f*ck is a good thing and it can also be a bad thing.
Before we go any further, let’s define what a “f*ck” is:
The definition of a “f*ck”
F*ck is a profane English-language word. Which often refers to the act of sexual intercourse.
But it is used as an intensifier or to denote disdain. While its origin is not known, it is considered to be first authenticated around 1475 A.D.
When it first came to use, it was described as unpleasant circumstances or people in an offensive way. Often in an angry, hostile or confrontational manner.
The modern usage and flexibility of f*ck. Was established by the mid-to-late 19th century. And has been fairly stable ever since!
It is commonly used as more of a general expletive or intensifier.
When I say I don’t give a f*ck about something, I mean I don’t care about that particular something. But sometimes I really do care.
I want to take the concept a step further. According to Sarah Knight the author of “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving an f*ck and Get Your Sh*t Together” defines our fucks as our time, energy, and money = fuck budget.
I like this definition. Why! Because it puts things in perspective.
A paradigm shift is needed in the definition of the word f*ck.
To understand the full meaning of the word we need to understand that…
There is no one:
- Who doesn’t give a f*ck about anything
- Who is completely indifferent to everything
- Who doesn’t care about anything or anyone
In fact, most of the people who say they “don’t give a f*ck” give lots of f*cks.
“In the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of f*cks to give. Very few, in fact. If you go around giving a f*ck. About everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice. Well, then you’re going to get f*cked.” – Mark Manson
The problem is that too many of us give way too many f*cks about the things that aren’t important and that don’t matter like:
- The things we can’t control and can’t change etc…
- The opinions of others, what other people think of us, whether someone else likes us or not.
The Paradox Of Not Giving A F*ck
“I’m pretending I don’t give a f*ck by saying “I don’t give a f*ck”. And by putting that out there. I’m making a conscious decision to not give a f*ck, but in doing so, I’m giving a f*ck about not giving a f*ck. Which means you give a f*ck.” – Joe Rogan
Joe Rogan is right: If someone makes a point of saying all the time how they don’t give a f*ck, it’s almost always a dead giveaway that they do.
The truth is that everyone gives a f*ck about something: God. Love. Family. Money. Power. Sex. Status. Whatever.
Even the people you think of, as not giving a f*ck. All gave lots of f*cks, maybe not about the same things at the same time that you or I do, but they do. Everyone does.
It’s impossible not to give a f*ck about everything, nor is that desirable.
In fact, it’s important to give a f*ck sometimes:
- If you don’t give a f*ck at work, you’ll get fired
- If you don’t give a f*ck in business, you’ll soon be out of business
- If you don’t give a f*ck about your friends, you soon won’t have any friends
Giving too many f*cks about your goals. Even to the point of obsession like LeBron James, Beyonce or Myles Munroe, etc. Can be an awesome thing. That’s how successful people are made and the world is changed.
In life, our f*cks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a f*ck completely. The question is simply how we each choose to administer our f*cks.
You only get a limited number of f*cks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. The point is that f*cks have to be earned and then invested wisely.
As we get older some of us gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have a little lasting impact on our lives.
Those people’s opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives.
We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us. And we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others.
And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a f*ck about everything. Life is just what it is. We learn to accept it.
Life f*cking goes on. We now reserve our ever-diminishing f*cks. Only for the most truly f*ckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends, our money.
And to our amazement, this is enough. This simplification actually makes you and me (who understands what I’m talking about) really happy.
My ability to give a f*ck has receded to the point of non-existence. These days I carry out a paradoxical existence where I no longer have the energy to give a f*ck. About the big things in life.
Instead, I must dedicate the few f*cks I have left. To the simple and tedious yet increasingly difficult aspects of my life. What I will be doing is prioritizing my f*cks for the things that matter. And maybe you should too!
The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck Review
To the opinions that are in favor of if you don’t quit, you can surpass your weaknesses and become big, philosophy. The author tells us that this kind of positive self-help advice is not actually that great. Because it is contributing to your unhappiness. Due to the fact that it focuses on everything you like.
The conventional think positive perception teaches us that we need to give a f*ck about too many things. Nice houses, beautiful bodies, the latest fashion, and other folks business.
Also, TV and social media make that feeling even more intense. By showing us other people that look like they are enjoying everything that we can’t have or afford.
As a result, we tend to believe that feeling anxious or sad or unsatisfied is unacceptable at all times. Which makes us feel even worse for feeling these emotions.
The book details there’s a different way to keep up with this. Once the desire for a more comfortable life awakens unpleasant emotions to ourselves. We should instead learn to accept the negative aspect of our life.
Which almost always are unavoidable. The advantages will be bigger. We will begin to stop fearing the pain of our negative encounters. And will be able to challenge the situations without holding back.
All people have a circle of influence and a circle of concern. That share the same center in their personality.
As we face each part of a problem. We must decide on how to react to it. By asking a simple question to ourselves can we fix it or not.
If we can’t then we should leave it all alone. And focus on the other parts that we can actually do something about.
To not give a f*ck is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action.
According to the author, you must be proactive and not reactive. For example, if we live in a society where unemployment is one of its biggest problems:
- Reactive people do nothing but complain, cry and wait for a miracle to solve their problem.
- Proactive people focus on what they can do. To make themselves more competitive or even create new jobs.
Manson clarifies that a person should not be indifferent to everything in life. But achieve being comfortable with being different.
A few examples may be our outfit or our choice of career. We should not care what anyone says or thinks about our choices about our own lifestyle.
We are responsible for our own choices. So choose them wisely. But at the end of the day, nobody has a heaven or a hell to put you in BUT God. And I understand some may not believe there is a heaven or hell. Well… suit yourself.
To make that happen is to learn how to give a f*ck about something much more important in our life. We have the full control of what is worthy to care a lot about.
Bottom line, choose to give a f*ck only about the things that are truly important to you.
So what are the things that we should and shouldn’t give a fuck about?
Things You Should Give A F*ck About
- Your career
- Your business
- Your time
- Your money
- Your health
- Your goals
- Your friends
- Your family
- Your partner
- Planet Earth (this is where you live for God’s sake)
Things You Shouldn’t Give A F*ck About
- What other people think about you.
- Whether other people like you or not.
- Whether other people approve of your decisions or not.
- The things you can’t control and can’t change.
- The expectations of others – unless it’s your boss or your customers.
- The opinions of others – especially those who don’t know what the f*ck they’re talking about.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t give a f*ck about anything, but here’s why you shouldn’t give a fuck about most things:
- Let’s be honest, most things aren’t important and don’t matter.
“Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.” – Arthur Balfour
- It’s liberating. When you stop caring what other people think, no one will be able to manipulate you. Into doing anything you don’t want to do.
- Not giving a f*ck means releasing yourself from the worry. Anxiety, fear, and guilt associated with saying no. Allowing you to stop spending the time you don’t have, with people you don’t like, doing things you don’t want to do.
- Most people aren’t thinking about you anyway. They’re thinking about themselves.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
- You can’t make everyone happy. People will criticize and complain no matter what you do. So you might as well do whatever you want to do. Hence why I wrote this post!
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you’ll be criticized anyway.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
- When you stop giving a f*ck you’ll take more chances, and experience more of what life has to offer. The problem with giving too many f*cks about what other people think. Is that you become afraid to take chances, your comfort zone starts to shrink, and you start holding back in life.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
How To Not Give A Fuck
1. Ask yourself the question: “Will this matter a year from now?
- If the answer is no – don’t give a f*ck.
- If the answer is yes – do something about it.
2. Ask yourself why do you give a f*ck?
- Do you give a f*ck because it’s really that important?
- Or only because you’ve been brainwashed by other people/the media/social media to give a f*ck?
3. Make a conscious effort.
Not giving a f*ck isn’t easy at first. Especially if you’ve been brainwashed and conditioned to give a f*ck. But the more you practice acceptance and letting go, the easier it gets.
I made a conscious effort to stop being triggered by the things that annoyed me about other people. Whenever anyone says or do something I don’t like.
I’m learning (still learning this one) to instantly let it go. Instead of analyzing it to death, or letting it build up into something big in my mind.
It’s becoming 2nd nature. I rarely get triggered by anything. Even if someone says something intended to annoy or trigger me I don’t care and I don’t respond. I have a long way to go. But I’m better than I used to be.
Most people react compulsively to everything everyone says and does. They’re so easily angered. So easily offended. So easily triggered. It’s so easy to push their buttons because they have so many. They’re like children.
You’ll definitely need to make a conscious effort to “let it go” in the beginning. I promise you that after a while it becomes easier not to react then it does to react. The only reason it seems hard now is that you’ve been conditioned to react and so you’re used to it.
Sometimes you have to say f*ck you in particular to people too.
You might be thinking to yourself:
“I can’t let EVERYTHING go!”
“Some people need to be told their sh*t stinks!”
“There are times that I need to speak up and say something!”
Maybe sometimes, but not always, and definitely not most of the time.
A wise preacher once told me “the best deliverance is to be delivered from people.”
Try out what I’m saying and see for yourself. The next time you feel the urge to speak up and say something. Especially when someone says or does something stupid – don’t – and then see what happens. See if it makes any difference at all.
What you’ll find is that 99.99% of the time it doesn’t make any difference at all. Anyone can yell and scream and argue and fight. But it’s even tougher to let things go. Especially in real-time as they happen. Without the slightest bit of anger, hatred, or resentment. It’s better for you too.
And, as I said, the more you practice letting go, the easier it gets. You’ll start to wonder why everyone else is so damn intolerant and reactive. Just remember they’re like children who can’t help themselves.
4. Accept the things you can’t change.
“Accept – then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” – Eckhart Tolle
5. Have something more important to focus on.
Be so busy with your goals that you don’t have time to sweat the small stuff.
Practice mindfulness. Keep your attention in the present moment. Desensitize yourself to the things that scare you. If you read the Bible meditate on the word of God. It will give you peace. And take that time to journal. It will bless your life!
Remember: Life isn’t promised to any of us. You don’t have time to give a f*ck about pettiness. You really don’t.
7. Stay in the Present.
Here’s the problem:
You think a lot. You always have something in your mind.
According to Dr. Dennis Gersten. A diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology.
The average person runs about “15,000 thoughts per day in which at least half of those are negative. And from that, we know that our thoughts turn into our emotions and our emotions turn into physiology.”
Now we’re not saying you should stop thinking. But you need to give yourself a break from all the stressful thoughts.
“Peace can exist only in the present moment. It is ridiculous to say “Wait until I finish this, then I will be free to live in peace.” What is “this”?
A diploma, a job, a house, the payment of a debt? If you think that way, peace will never come.
There is always another “this” that will follow the present one. If you are not living in peace at this moment, you will never be able to.
If you truly want to be at peace, you must be at peace right now. Otherwise, there is only “the hope of peace someday.”
So to keep your mind focused on the present moment, keep these tips in mind:
- Don’t dig into what has happened in the past.
- Focus on the things that are actually within your control.
- Don’t think about what may or may not happen in the far future.
- Thinking all the time about the past and the future will only cause you sadness or anxiety.
Your f*cks should stay for the present. This is the time when you do have control. The present is where change takes place.
If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
8. Face Your Fears.
Do you know what’s worse than failure? Not attempting to do something at all. If you really want to know how to not give a f*ck, you have to give a f*ck first.
Doesn’t make sense? Well, let’s explain it with an example. What if you’ve been worried about starting a business you genuinely like? What happens is that your fear of failing or being embarrassed stops you from doing it in the first place. And if you don’t ever try, you stay in a place of unnecessary nervousness.
9. Seriously, Stop caring about what others may think of you.
Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves. But you become very unstable because you are still clinging to a false narrative. That false narrative depends on others, so you are always looking at what people are saying about you… It’s a waste of your time.
Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, there would have been no problem. And you would not be seeking opinions. Then you are not worried what others say about you— it is irrelevant!”
The greatest fear in the world is the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom.
Remember the great lesson learned “to be delivered from people is the greatest deliverance you can have.”
10. Learn the Value of Saying “No”.
To master how to not give a f*ck, you must learn how to say no. You don’t have to reject every single request. But you must know when to turn one down. Perhaps you’re afraid to say no for several reasons:
- You don’t want to hurt the feelings of others, especially those dear to you.
- You fear that no one will be there when it’s your time to ask for help.
- You’re worried you’ll eventually get a bad reputation.
These are concerns that you needn’t worry about. Real friends won’t take it personally if you can’t help them all the time — they won’t ignore your pleas just because of this. Don’t worry about getting a bad reputation. Like I’ve said earlier:
- Others are too busy worrying about themselves to give any f*ck about you anyway.
You can use this technique to say “no”. More often without offending people. Its called “the refusal strategy“. Saying “I don’t” instead of “I can’t” allows people to rid themselves of things they didn’t really want to do in the first place. While “I can’t” sounds like an excuse that could be up for debate. “I don’t”, implies you’ve already established rules for yourself.
If you learn to use your f*cks wisely, you’ll be able to say “no” more often. Stop being that one person everyone asks first because they know you’re compelled to always say yes.
Do you know what happens if you stop? You take full control of your life again. You become free. Free from the unrealistic expectations others and you yourself have set.
The ability to communicate ‘no’ really reflects that you are in the driver’s seat of your own life. It gives you a sense of empowerment.
11. Become resilient.
Resilience and mental toughness are key attributes to living your best life.
They determine how high we rise above what threatens to wear us down.
From battling an illness to dealing with challenging emotions. To carrying on after a relationship has ended.
12. Take the “Agape Road”
It is the equivalent to taking “the high road“. Remeber a paradigm shift is a complete change or reversal in the way something is perceived. With that being said Love is overall the key.
Loving God. Loving Yourself. Loving People. By the way, you can’t love people until you love yourself.
You may be wondering what does love gotta do with it? The simple answer “EVERYTHING”
God is agape (1 John 4:16 ).
The essential meaning of Agape Strong’s # 25.
“It is an exercise of the divine will and deliberate choice. To prefer, to love. It is to embrace God’s will. Choosing His choices.
For the believer, it means actively doing what the Lord prefers, with Him by His power and direction.
It is God’s absolute by which he measures all things (Acts 17: 31). It is used both as a noun and a verb.
Agape does not love because of beauty or value discovered. It is a love that comes out of God’s own nature. While phileo is reciprocal.
Agape always reveals God’s own character. Agape, when understood reveals our need for Christ who is agape incarnate.
Agape unfolds in three progressive steps.
- Love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30)
- Love others, even our enemies, in the same manner, and agree that he loved us and gave himself for us (Matt 5:43-48).
Let me insert here… Loving your enemy is not a simple task. It takes a lot of courage to get outta your head and feelings about someone to find a way to give agape.
Especially when you’ve done nothing to them for them to be an enemy in the first place.
I give them agape by saying a simple prayer. “Father bless them for they know not what they do.”
This doesn’t mean we about to kick it tho! But it does mean I can overcome my feelings and thoughts about someone. To see the bigger picture of love.
This is God’s love replicated in his own. We have failed to understand in our mind and grow in our capacity to love in all three of these ways.
And don’t get it twisted. I stand by not giving a f*ck about what other people especially your enemies think or say about you. The key to a peaceful, fulfilling life is knowing when and where to give a f*ck.
You only have a set time here in this life. You need to be smart about your limited time in the world. So enjoy life when you can.
Don’t let your mind get clouded with trivial issues that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
To Sum It All Up!
Don’t stress yourself out on the things that you cannot change. Only focus on what you can change.
Don’t dwell on the past and the future. Pay attention to what you have control over, the present moment.
Everyone else is worried about themselves. They don’t give a lot of f*cks about you, so you don’t need to worry about what they think of you.
You are not obligated to lend a helping hand at all times. Pick your f*cks wisely.
Don’t be a nihilist; find meaning in life and dedicate your f*cks there. You see, learning how to not give a f*ck is all about determination.
It’s about not paying attention to things that don’t matter. So strive for your big dreams.
Stop giving f*cks.
Your time is important — spend it on things that are worth your while.
There are too many f*cks given everywhere. Scattered about like seeds in the springtime.
And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the back?
What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-f*ck-giving. People aren’t just born not giving a f*ck. In fact, we’re born into giving away too many f*cks.
Developing the ability to control and manage the f*cks you give. Is the essence of strength and integrity.
We must craft and hone our lack of f*ckery over the course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our f*cks must age into a fine vintage.
This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in by life’s mean trivialities. Oppressed by its unimportant dramas. We live and die by the distractions and alterations that suck the f*cks out of us.
Overcoming adversity requires staring failure in the face. And shoving your middle finger back at it. Become the people who don’t give a f*ck about adversity. Or failure or embarrassing themselves.
The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs.
They say “F*ck it,” not to everything in life, but rather they say “F*ck it” to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their f*cks for what truly f*cking matters.
Friends. Family. Purpose. And because of that, they reserve their f*cks for only the big things. The important things, people that give a f*ck about them in return.
So, let us reflect what is true of value in life. What gives meaning to our lives? And set our priorities on the basis of that.
The purpose of our life needs to be positive. We weren’t born with the purpose of causing trouble or harming others.
So I’m here to assure you it’s ok not to give a f*ck about something. But for our life to be of value. I think we must develop basic good human qualities love, kindness, compassion.
Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful.
What are your thoughts? Leave them in the comment section below. And sign up for my email list here.